How to Talk to Kids at Different Ages

Ages 3–5: Body ownership and simple safety rules

At this age, conversations should be simple, calm, and repeated often. Young children can begin learning that their body belongs to them, that some body parts are private, and that they can talk to a trusted adult if something makes them feel uncomfortable.

Helpful things to say:

• “Your body belongs to you.”
• “Some parts of your body are private.”
• “You can say no to hugs, kisses, or touches you do not want.”
• “If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, you can tell me or another safe adult.”
• “You will not be in trouble for telling me.”

For more age-appropriate safety resources, visit the Canadian Centre for Child Protection’s Kids in the Know program.

Ages 6–8: Boundaries, trusted adults, and unsafe secrets

At this age, children can begin to understand boundaries, personal space, and the difference between safe and unsafe secrets. Conversations should still be simple and reassuring, but you can add more detail about speaking up and asking for help.
Helpful things to say:

• “No one should ask you to keep a secret about touching, bodies, or anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.”
• “Surprises are okay when they are happy and temporary, like a birthday gift. Unsafe secrets are not okay.”
• “You can tell me anything, even if someone told you not to.”
• “If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, confused, or scared, tell a safe adult.”
• “Let’s name three safe adults you could talk to if you ever needed help.”

Ages 9–12: Peer pressure, online safety, and uncomfortable situations

At this age, children may spend more time with friends, on devices, and online. Conversations can include personal boundaries, privacy, peer pressure, and what to do if something does not feel right. Keep the tone calm and remind children that they can ask for help without being blamed.
Helpful things to say:

• “You never have to answer a message or question that makes you uncomfortable.”
• “Be careful about sharing private photos, personal information, or your location with people online.”
• “If someone asks you to keep an online conversation secret or private, that is a warning sign.”
• “You can say no, leave the situation, or ask a safe adult for help.”
• “You can come to me if something happens online. I will help you first.”

Ages 13–17: Healthy relationships, consent, pressure, and getting help

Teens need honest, respectful conversations about healthy relationships, consent, boundaries, pressure, and online safety. These conversations should not feel like lectures. The goal is to keep communication open so teens know they can come to a trusted adult for help, advice, or support.
Helpful things to say:

• “A healthy relationship should not make you feel pressured, controlled, afraid, or isolated.”
• “Consent means everyone has a choice, and anyone can change their mind.”
• “If someone pressures you, threatens you, or asks you to keep something secret or private, talk to a safe adult.”
• “You never have to send photos, messages, or personal information that causes you to feel uncomfortable.”
• “You can always come to me. My first job is to help you stay safe.”

Tips for Starting the Conversation

Talking to children about body safety, boundaries, and healthy relationships does not have to happen all at once. Small, everyday conversations can help children feel more comfortable asking questions and coming to a safe adult for help.

Here are a few ways to make these conversations easier:

• Use everyday moments: Bath time, bedtime, car rides, books, shows, and conversations about friendships can all be natural opportunities to talk about bodies, boundaries, respect, and safety.
• Stay calm and approachable: Children are more likely to come forward with questions or concerns when adults respond calmly. Let them know they can talk to you without fear of getting in trouble.
• Use clear, age-appropriate language: Simple and honest language helps children understand. Avoid using fear-based messages, and focus on safety, respect, and trusted adults.
• Let children practice saying no: Children should know they can say no to unwanted hugs, kisses, tickling, or touch, even from people they know. Respecting their “no” helps them understand that their boundaries matter.
• Remind them they can always tell a safe adult: Children should know they can come to you or another trusted adult if something makes them feel uncomfortable, confused, scared, or unsafe.

When Something Feels Wrong

Talking with children about body safety helps them understand what is okay, what is not okay, and when to ask a trusted adult for help. These conversations should begin early and continue as children grow.

Children should know that:

• Their body belongs to them.
• Some parts of the body are private.
• They can say no to unwanted touch, hugs, kisses, tickling, or attention.
• Unsafe behaviour can come from someone they know, including an adult, older youth, family member, friend, coach, or caregiver.
• They should be careful about sharing personal information online, such as their full name, address, phone number, school, location, or private photos.
• They can always tell a trusted adult if something makes them feel uncomfortable, confused, scared, or unsafe.

Adults should also pay attention to changes in a child’s behaviour or comfort level. If a child seems uneasy, withdrawn, fearful, or resistant around a particular person or situation, respond calmly and gently ask open-ended questions, such as:

• “What made you feel uncomfortable?”
• “Can you tell me more about that?”
• “Is there anything you want me to know?”

The goal is not to pressure the child, but to create a safe space where they know they will be listened to, believed, and supported.

How Children May Tell an Adult

Children do not always tell adults about uncomfortable or unsafe situations in a direct way. They may share only part of what happened, ask a question, mention something that happened to someone else, or test how an adult reacts before saying more.

A child may also stay quiet because they feel confused, embarrassed, worried about getting in trouble, afraid of upsetting their family, or unsure whether what happened was wrong. In some cases, the person causing harm may be someone the child knows, trusts, or cares about, which can make speaking up even harder.

If a child shares something concerning, try to stay calm. Listen carefully, thank them for telling you, and reassure them that they are not in trouble. Avoid reacting with anger, shock, or blame, as this may make the child stop talking.

Helpful things to say include:

• “Thank you for telling me.”
• “I believe you.”
• “You are not in trouble.”
• “What happened is not your fault.”
• “I am here to help keep you safe.”

If you are concerned about a child’s safety or well-being, contact the appropriate local child protection services, law enforcement, or emergency services.

Helpful Resources

Miles for Smiles Foundation is one resource among many. The following organizations offer additional information, tools, and support for parents, caregivers, educators, and young people:

• Canadian Centre for Child Protection: The Canadian Centre for Child Protection offers resources and information for families, schools, and child-serving organizations to help keep children safe.
• Kids in the Know: Kids in the Know is a personal safety education program from the Canadian Centre for Child Protection. It provides age-appropriate safety resources for children from kindergarten to high school.
• Cybertip.ca: Cybertip.ca is Canada’s national tipline for reporting the online sexual abuse and exploitation of children. It also offers online safety information for families.
• Government of Newfoundland and Labrador — Reporting Child Abuse and Neglect: In Newfoundland and Labrador, every person has a legal duty to immediately report suspected abuse or neglect involving children and youth. If you are concerned about a child’s safety, contact local child protection services or emergency services.
• Kids Help Phone: Kids Help Phone offers free, confidential support for young people in Canada, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

A Note About These Resources

The information on this page is intended to support parents, caregivers, and community members in starting age-appropriate conversations with children about body safety, boundaries, healthy relationships, and online safety. It is not meant to replace professional advice, counselling, child protection services, law enforcement, or emergency support.

Every child and situation is different. If you are concerned about a child’s safety or well-being, please reach out to the appropriate local supports, child protection services, or emergency services. Miles for Smiles Foundation is one resource among many, and we encourage families and communities to seek the help and guidance they need.

Need Support Starting the Conversation?

Talking to children about body safety, boundaries, healthy relationships, and online safety can feel difficult, but you do not have to do it alone. Miles for Smiles Foundation encourages parents, caregivers, educators, and community members to keep these conversations calm, age-appropriate, and ongoing.

If you are looking for more information or support, please contact Miles for Smiles Foundation.